Spring cleaning

[legally_blond]

Free to a good home: condoms in various sizes.

Also some garbage bags if you want them. They're the extra tough ones that are harder for people to break from the inside.

Comments

[xyzai]

How long could one of those garbage bags hold...for example, a professional tennis player?

[legally_blond]

Well, they do have quite a bit of grip strength, that would help them get out...

Possibly quite a while, if you tied their hands up in a smaller bag as well. I can give you some good sandwich bags for that if you want.

[xyzai]

The cheap sandwich bags that never close or the nice ones with the plastic slider that shuts them?

[legally_blond]

The nice ones, of course. With the very thick plastic.

[xyzai]

Are you open to filling them with the crumbs of your shrimp chips? I think it'll make for a more effective hand-lock garbage bag situation.

[legally_blond]

I could, yes. If you dip their fingers in honey or something beforehand, it would make the crumbs stick quite well to their skin and make it worse.

[xyzai]

Thank you for the support. Glue is cheaper.

[legally_blond]

I'm always ready to support you when you need it, Crepe-kun.

How long are the toes of this hypothetical pro tennis player? Do you need to consider them trying to rip the bag with their toes as a possibility?

[xyzai]

I will support you in the specific matter of taking free things, Actual Satan.

I've never measured. But I feel like the toes of more than one pro tennis player have to be measured in order to draw conclusions about the bag strength. You get one and I'll get one.

[legally_blond]

Are you not interested in the free condoms?

Doing it now. Do we measure from the end of the bone or where the skin of the toe ends?

[xyzai]

Thanks, but we exclusively use jondoms.

Both. For science. I submitted a request.

[legally_blond]

Unfortunately I don't have any of those to give to you for free. Sorry, Crepe-kun.

I've come across a bit of a problem. My pro tennis player specimen is very prone to kicking when having his toes measured. This might take a while

[xyzai]

Throw free ones from a higher floor of your university. Make it rain on poor students.

Straddle him reverse cowgirl with his hips crushed between your thighs. Attack.

[legally_blond]

Oh, that could work. Maybe I should tie them to helium balloons and just spread them over Tokyo.

I'd have to tie him up first so he doesn't tickle me.

[xyzai]

Safe sex level: Advanced

Good point. Do you have handcuffs?

[legally_blond]

Would you like to help me blow up all the balloons? I'll treat you to cake after.

No, I gave my last pair away to a particularly annoying fellow a few months ago.

[xyzai]

I don't breathe helium. If you have a tank, yes.

Tragic.

[legally_blond]

That's a shame. I can hire one easily enough.

I know. Having to communicate with him again wasn't worth getting them back. They were really good one too, I'm a bit miffed.

[naniwaspeed]

Is there something we should talk about? (*¯ ³¯*)

[xyzai]

Are you in need of education, senpai?

[naniwaspeed]

No! Who's the medical student around here? Huh?

[xyzai]

Then there's nothing we need to talk about.

[naniwaspeed]

Alright, alright. Just leave me out here in the dust~ It's fine~

(´ ε ` )

[xyzai]

I hope you get hit by a tumbleweed. And that little twigs cling to your clothes.

[naniwaspeed]

Why do you always wish such terrible things on me? Can't it be like... smothered in cake or something?